“Be a woman”: The Romani have no King. They have Queens.
The invisible power of the Roma woman
We were at a wedding. Vela, one of the adult nieces of my partner Pepi, was getting married to her partner of 15 years. The celebration was winding down by 10:00 PM and the people who hadn’t left the restaurant yet were now getting up to continue celebrating back home.
On the long walk from the restaurant to the main road, we broke up into smaller groups. Pepi grew annoyed with one of his cousins who had gotten a little drunk. They argued over who was spoiling whose mood and Pepi decided in a huff that we were going home.
When we reached the main road and the rest of our group, Pepi announced angrily that we were leaving. Vela, her mother, her sister, and a few other women immediately walked over. They passed by Pepi and surrounded me.
“What happened?” Vela asked.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “They argued about something and Pepi said we’re leaving.”
Vela gently put her hands on my shoulders and pierced me with her black eyes.
“Martina,” she said, “be a woman.”
This was still in the early months of my relationship with Pepi when I had just started to dip my toes into the ocean that is Roma culture. For me…
