Being a “Good Person” is a Trap
for yourself and those around you
There are many faces to the malfunctioning “good person.”
You could be a “nice guy” or “nice girl” who thinks you’re selflessly doing and saying all the right things and so your love interest owes you affection, a relationship , or whatever it is that you believe you’ve “purchased” by being nice.
You could also be a people-pleaser — not being able to say “no,” putting the needs of others ahead of your own, sacrificing your time, energy, and space — and then overspilling with resentment that you’re not valued or wanted after “all you’ve done.”
Or you can be just a regular, well-adjusted person. You can have healthy relationships, a stable marriage, good personal and work-friendships, you could be raising wonderful, empathetic, bright kids. And you can believe that your perfect bubble, your neatly-organized playground is so pristine that everyone outside of it is inferior. Poor people are not welcome. Dark-skinned people are not welcome. Or dark-skinned people who act like “typical dark-skinned people” are not welcome. Refugees are not welcome. When it comes to people who aren’t like you — in looks, in faith, in cultural values — you are, at best, indifferent. At worst, you believe they deserve punishment.
